tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post522331392245794909..comments2024-01-19T19:28:16.564-08:00Comments on ScientistMother: raising my own little experimentS: The dealioScientistMotherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02540317551396323613noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-80415959538080199952010-07-22T19:32:29.465-07:002010-07-22T19:32:29.465-07:00I definitely think your professor has a portion of...I definitely think your professor has a portion of the blame because it is in her best interest to produce a qualified graduate as much as it is in yours to become that qualified graduate. Her success, esp. if she is untenured, is partially tied to your success as well, esp. if you have shown yourself to be otherwise hard-working, industrious, and studious member of your program.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-77894932768661637162010-07-22T19:21:27.239-07:002010-07-22T19:21:27.239-07:00I want to say something Buddhist and wise but my m...I want to say something Buddhist and wise but my mind just keeps repeating - FUCK.<br /><br />But it made me think that in some ways disappointment during grad school is quite similar to going to the movies. Let's say you decide to see a movie that you have no information about. You've never even heard the title before and don't know any of the actors in the movie. If it turns out unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05949487275042211766noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-12893972774541404752010-07-22T10:10:08.029-07:002010-07-22T10:10:08.029-07:00Kate - thank you! I've been noticing that none...Kate - thank you! I've been noticing that none of the PI's who read the blog have commented. You're the first PI on the blog or IRL to say, "yeah we screw up and drop the ball sometimes. Sorry, I"m human". I so appreciate it. Thank you. <br /><br />Yes you are right, its amazing what saying I'm sorry can do.ScientistMotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02540317551396323613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-50446808869874340962010-07-21T08:23:06.460-07:002010-07-21T08:23:06.460-07:00Also... can I just say that a simple apology when ...Also... can I just say that a simple apology when a mentor fucks up goes really far to fix this situation? Being honest about the oversight, and validating your completely righteous feelings, and agreeing that this screwed you over, is in order from your PI.Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16995641658376827290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-70983528318664466622010-07-21T08:22:02.694-07:002010-07-21T08:22:02.694-07:00You wrote: "I am angry because there was a co...You wrote: "I am angry because there was a communication breakdown and ultimately its my fault."<br /><br />NO! It's not your fault... or at least not wholly or even the majority. And I think you really nail it when you ask why your education has to be totally your responsibility. Mentoring is hard to get right, it's true, and I have failed (and been failed by others) many, manyKatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16995641658376827290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-59894132835659892012010-07-20T15:32:10.512-07:002010-07-20T15:32:10.512-07:00MicroXX - the exam date is delayed. Same subject a...MicroXX - the exam date is delayed. Same subject areas, so what i've studied plus "other shit". It shouldn't be too bad, less stressful etc. I think i'm getting over the anger...or perhaps because I've taken the last few days off I'm forgetting my anger. I'll have to wait until I get to work before I know.<br /><br />Chall - yeah the anger/frustration sucks arse!ScientistMotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02540317551396323613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-61687420775273602002010-07-20T13:02:02.125-07:002010-07-20T13:02:02.125-07:00SM> that kind of anger (frustration) is pretty ...SM> that kind of anger (frustration) is pretty familiar to me yeah... I'm trying not to put that much pressure on myself and "live the life" etc... but it is hard, and I get sort of blocked feeling those feelings.<br /><br />It gets better though, with some time. promise. good luck recooperateing and making it work.challnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-46704340620455219982010-07-20T12:43:51.775-07:002010-07-20T12:43:51.775-07:00Holy freaking crap! I am so sorry to read about yo...Holy freaking crap! I am so sorry to read about your frustrations. I would be pretty fucking pissed off too. I say, be pissed off and get it out of your system. <br />I hope you can take a small break before you start this process again. I don't think I could focus too well under these circumstances. <br />Do you start completely over or just delay the exam date?microbiologist xxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07578078880223116616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-53422788626455003392010-07-20T08:12:35.662-07:002010-07-20T08:12:35.662-07:00EGF - yes it does blow!:) and yes it is better tha...EGF - yes it does blow!:) and yes it is better than failing. Yes the humiliation of failing would not have been good...<br /><br />Chall - is my anger familiar to you? Comps is some sort of sick hazing ritual, totally agree!<br /><br />Mrs.Spit - the thing is I don't know if it was a damned if I did, damned if I didn't scenerio. Had I asked my PI to review on a weekly basis, I probably ScientistMotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02540317551396323613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-37222069657337766742010-07-20T07:58:21.311-07:002010-07-20T07:58:21.311-07:00Spend some time with your kid, spend some time wit...Spend some time with your kid, spend some time with your hubby or friends you haven't seen in a while and then come back to it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-60200856669545444782010-07-20T04:10:12.208-07:002010-07-20T04:10:12.208-07:00Aww, sorry that's so frustrating. I'd be ...Aww, sorry that's so frustrating. I'd be really mad too.<br /><br />That's the crazy thing about grad school...expectations are not at all clear. It's this weird subjective process that I'm not sure I'll ever get used to. It involves constantly checking in with people to see if you're on whatever track they think you should be on. I find this particularly difficultHGGirlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-64957611980581669992010-07-19T19:24:10.680-07:002010-07-19T19:24:10.680-07:00So, there's nothing about that which doesn'...So, there's nothing about that which doesn't suck ass. <br /><br />I'm really, really, REALLY sorry. I know my friends are so ready to be done with their comps and get their lives back, and I can't imagine the thought that it might take another 6 months (Oh, please tell me it won't be another year?!). <br /><br />I'm sorry. You were totally dammned if you did, and damned Mrs. Spithttp://www.mrsspit.canoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-73448587087599264562010-07-19T18:52:54.513-07:002010-07-19T18:52:54.513-07:00oh that anger... it's hard to work through it ...oh that anger... it's hard to work through it when it's mixed with anger and disappointment. I hope you can get over it after a bit of a break and bite and chew down and make it all work.<br /><br />That said, I whole heartedly agree with all the commentators about what you should know on your own and what not. If there is a way to make it grad students fault/responsibility - there is onechallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10421219663804628119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-47073882706864455392010-07-19T18:07:21.289-07:002010-07-19T18:07:21.289-07:00Oh blow! SOoo much better than failing though. Y...Oh blow! SOoo much better than failing though. You're humiliated now, but at least you're not humiliated with a big pile of paperwork to do to deal with a redo.<br /><br />I wonder, though, if you actually would have failed if you really do know 90% of the material. Perhaps your PI was kind of caught off guard if she hasn't been up to date on your study and progress? I can't EcoGeoFemmehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11236907917990309659noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-26190332192431483642010-07-19T17:34:23.372-07:002010-07-19T17:34:23.372-07:00Cath - yeah I need to be psychic ;)
Alyssa - I'...Cath - yeah I need to be psychic ;)<br />Alyssa - I'm not sure. I think I should've demanded / asked for more of my PI's time. I figured that b/c she wasn't worried, I was fine. Obviously I wasn't forcing her to know what I was doing/ not doing.<br /><br />Becca - Hahaha! My PI can communicate because she saved my ass from humiliation. So far that is the best spin I have ScientistMotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02540317551396323613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-69114688426544248752010-07-19T17:21:54.757-07:002010-07-19T17:21:54.757-07:00On the one hand, sooner or later we all learn the ...On the one hand, sooner or later we all learn the "you can never know everything you need to know before you get there" lesson from research, if not from PIs. The real skill that you learn is not being psychic to prevent the problem, but learning to get over the anger enough to forgive yourself and bounce back from the problem. And it's likely really, really, really challenging to Beccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15356974556397009124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-57677534701068204742010-07-19T16:43:12.573-07:002010-07-19T16:43:12.573-07:00That really, really sucks - and I'd be really ...That really, really sucks - and I'd be really pissed off too. I mean, how can you know something if you don't know about it, right? You can be the most responsible person in the world, but would get screwed in that situation.<br /><br />Anyway, I hope things work out for you soon - do you know when the comp will be rescheduled for?Alyssahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01695509619557410413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-78285461346942678152010-07-19T16:06:03.221-07:002010-07-19T16:06:03.221-07:00I'm so sorry, ScientistMother. That sucks and ...I'm so sorry, ScientistMother. That sucks and you have every right to be angry.<br /><br />I can't answer your questions about the student's and the PI's responsibilities, because the British system is so different. But I know lots of PIs who have a hard time remembering that the people around them aren't psychic and don't learn their thoughts by osmosis.Cath@VWXYNot?https://www.blogger.com/profile/01164268321173313605noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-386195780398830182010-07-19T15:59:39.663-07:002010-07-19T15:59:39.663-07:00AA - thanks AA. A good friend of mine (who happens...AA - thanks AA. A good friend of mine (who happens to be a PI) said that I can be the most responsible and mature student, and still sometimes shit is not going to work out. Which is true. its just frustrating. Even though I did all the "right" things, it wasn't enough to prevent a breakdown.ScientistMotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02540317551396323613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97947582899206598.post-70926359768971290342010-07-19T15:25:51.259-07:002010-07-19T15:25:51.259-07:00Aw, fuck SciMo. I'd be really fucking angry to...Aw, fuck SciMo. I'd be really fucking angry too. At the whole situation. I hear your frustration and I know what you mean about that breakdown of communication. Sometimes there is an expectation of mind-reading. Sometimes we really should "know" and see that coming, and sometimes it's impossible to do so. Sometimes we should have asked the right questions sooner and sometimes weAmbivalent Academichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05908454781195782927noreply@blogger.com