Happy whatever it is you celebrate

We celebrate secular Christmas, so merry christmas!


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I"m alive

barely. i am sick with the worst head cold ever. combine with fatigue from the crappy few months, nausea and marking makes me a very very unhappy individual.

which is why i've been shockingly silent on the whole science cheerleader thing, missed the hockey pool and am over all just a grumpy ass grad student..

thought you should know.

just living

Things are going well. I'm getting up, going to work coming home and spending time with hubby and monkey.  Hubby and I are trying to go to bed at the same time as I've realized we do alot of our chatting lying in bed together.  Its been nice as our communication is up and our bickering and argueing way down.  It also means my main blogging time is taken away from me.  Not sure what I'm going to do about that. Maybe pick a day or two to stay late.

The other thing is that I"m not sure what to blog about. I approached and missed my 2 year blogging anniversary. When I started it was all about trying to figure out what to do and how to make decisions with some feminist / diversity issues thrown in.  After I landed into my current lab, I haven't had alot of grad angsting to do and I switched into funny monkey stories.  He's still funny but seriously how many times can I tell you how cute and amazing he is? Or complain about him bringing his pillow and 30 stuffies to my bed at 4:30 am?

I guess I'm not sure what to blog about without being like OMG my life is the bestest. Because lets get real, it ain't. Marriage is work and its hard dirty work. Its worth it, as you the work leads to beautiful walks in the forest on an Autumn day. But I'm not really into blogging the minutiae of my life or my relationship with Mr.SM. It would be disrespectful to him. 

Which isn't to say I'm stopping blogging. I just may not be as frequent. Or I'll start going on geek on you and blog about *gasp* science!!! Eeeck :))

Because I don't already procrastinate enough

I have joined the twitterverse. I have no idea how to use this thing and probably won't play with it really till after C-day (D day is reserved for the defense day somewhere in the future). I guess I should put the twitter thingy on the right hand side, but that will have to wait...

On a lighter note

Mr.SM and I needed a break from all the crazy that has been going on in our lives, which included a break from each other.

He's taken the boy off for a bit of outdoor fun and I've stayed home to "study". I've been quite successful if studying includes taking a 2 hour nap, making dinner, hanging out with friends and watching some Law and order while drinking wine.

Whateves, lets all agree that I needed and deserved a mental health break.

Now I'm watching, Underworld:Rise of the lycans. Like any good nerd/geek/scientist, I love my scifi and I especially love my vampire, werewolf movies/books/shows (Eric Northman you can take me anytime!). Since I've read and watched many vampire / werewolve type stuff, I'm pretty used to liberties being taken with the traditional myths. However, here's a thing you can't rewrite IMHO. Vampires are the undead. They live off blood, they do not have sperm or ovaries so they can't get pregnant. Just saying, Underworld, you fucked up with that little storyline.

Full of anger

I am MAD and I am about to go on a ramble. Consider yourself warned.

This as probably been the shittiest summer that I can remember. I am angry, tired and frustrated. The ordeal with the comps started the anger and every thing else has just piled on top. It was bad enough being the interpreter and bearer of bad news with SMGrandPa, but on top of that I was dealing with trying to get information from sexist, condescending prick doctors. Then SM GrandPa died, in the most emotional roll coaster manner possible. Seriously, we had THREE false alarms before he passed. It sounds so cold and callous but having to prepare yourself for death 3 times in 3 days is mentally and emotionally exhausting. You get to point where you are thinking, OMG just die already and let us move on, which let me tell you is a horrible place to be. Because when grandpapa does die, peacefully thank God, you feel like shit. A whole fuck load of mixed up emotions run through you. Then you have to go through the whole planning a funeral while trying to explain to your child what is going on. Going to the SM house daily, dealing with everyone coming to pay they're respects. Having to deal with annoying SIL, not showing emotions because you need to be strong for SM Parents and Grandma. Not being able to breakdown at home because monkey will freak out be WTF why are you crying mommy? why are you sad? OR because Mr.SM is there and its his GF, so I need to be his rock. Tell WHO THE FUCK IS MY ROCK??!!!

I am angry because I didn't get a vacation, I didn't get to visit my BFF and her baby. And now i need to dive back into studying and TAing. Which means no fucking vacation till God knows when.

I am angry because you would think a death in the family would cement your belief in God as either existing or not, but no I am as conflicted as I was before hand, which I haven't really written about either, bc I have no fucking time to myself.

I need time to myself. I need everyone to fuck right off and leave me alone to pay my bills, clean my desk, watch some TruBlood and drink some OH.

Yeah poop!

We did very slow switch over of SMDogs food from very expensive, no perservative, no filler food to Kirkland Premium brand (yes that would be costco brand dog food) and there is no more diarrhea! Over the last week she's had more kirkland brand than the other stuff and her weight gain has been noticeable. We're very excited and find it a bit ironic that it was the "good" stuff that wasn't very good for her. We figured it was the food because if we had a high quantity of white rice mixed in with her dry food she was fine. I'm so happy that her tummy is all well.

Her confidence is getting up there as well. She's starting to challenge my authority which is good in terms of confidence, but bad in terms of training. I hate being harsh with dogs, but I need to be....

Another open letter

Dear car,

You suck. The unexpected >$500 repair is not appreciated. You damn well better keep that engine light off long enough to pass the air quality test.

I love glee

That is all. I had another post but the iPhone ate it. But seriously, glee is targetted to my age group.


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An open letter to my asshat neighbour

Can I start by saying Fuck off?

I understand that waking up at 8:00 am on a tuesday morning is a bit much. Not all of us work 9-5 so I get that you don't necessarily want to hear a dog howl mournfully for 2 hours before going to work. But I've been living on my little corner lot for > 5 years and have never ever caused any problems. No noise, no loud parties, no massive domestic fights. So leaving an anonymous, bitchy note about the fact that the dog was howling and the need for me to find less disruptive solutions was a bit dickish. Firstly because its making me announce to my readers that we have new dog, in a less then happy look at my dog way, secondly because I haven't ever caused any problems before. Do you think that I didn't give a shit? How about knocking on the door and asking me if I need any help? Maybe you could ask if something is wrong with the dog? Something along the line of we never noticed before that you had dog, did you rescue hir? Is she anxious from being abused? Or how about leaving you fucking name so that I can come and apologize and let you know that we just got her and we're trying everything to ease her anxiety, from leaving the talk radio on, crating her, not crating her. Walking her >1 hour in the morning before we leave for work. Spending every waking minute with her for the first 3 days, even in the freezing fucking rain. Why? because we didn't want her freaking out and waking the neighbours. Mr.SM sat with her all fucking night the other day so she wouldn't cry and disturb the neighbours. Want to know what the next door neighbour said? Don't worry about it, we're so happy that your little guy has a friend. We don't mind, it happens while dogs adjust. Because we've been here >5 years and never cause problems dickwad. So if you want me to take your compliant seriously, have the fucking balls to tell me who you are so we can actually have a conversation that might lead to some solutions. Oh and you're not living in the freaking burbs asshole. This neighbourhood has alot more noise than a freaking dog.

Yours truly,
SM

*** I have never ever complained about dogs being noisy. Thats just fucking stupid in my books. Dogs bark and howl. Whatever. The amount of noise a dog makes is nothing compared to the freaking ambulances, trucks, and other freaking noise out there. You're living in the subarbs

and the dog is amazing. monkey is in love. will post about it when i'm not pissed at the fucking neighbour

Earth Day

Today is Earth day and I'm sorta in a whatever mode about it. Possibly because I feel conflicted about large portions of the environmental movement. I think we need to do alot more as a society to reduce, reuse and recycle. Frankly we buy way too much shit, or we (as my little family unit) until I became broke ass due to the birth of a monkey.

I don't need to have a bunch of knick knacks or the latest trendy clothing and I'm sorry Mr. Carpet Salesmen a $1000.00 area is NOT something I think is disposable if it gets stained. I want to be able to steam clean shit out. Sorry I don't think I need to buy new couches simply b/c my current ones are 10 years old. They should be built sturdy enough so that I can simply re-upholster them. Sorry but I don't need to replace my 5 year old ipod simply because its not as trendy as the newest version. Why does apple need to refresh it every 6 months? (mind you I was so annoyed waiting for the latest macbook update....)

However, I don't agree with the whole organic food movement. Organic is not better because its organic and buying local isn't always the best choice. Large farms are not the enemy simply because they are large. I may be have a bias since Mr.SM's family business deals with agriculture and because I'm training to be a geneticist and I understand the simply because something is genetically modified does not make it inherently bad for you. Its a bunch of grey zones, which is why I can go to my local snobby grocery store and find organic bananas that are cheaper than the non-organic fair trade bananas. You can't just look at a label, you have to actually think about and know who is doing what. There are larger farms that treat their employees well, pair fair wages and try to minimize their environmental impact because its the right thing to do, without a lot of fanfare. They've always done that.

Still because I believe that Global warming is happening and that we should make changes to our lives to minimize our impacts we have in the past year:

started car pooling
started composting - we have 1 small bag of garbage a week. If monkey could learn to poop in the freaking toilet, so we could start night time training, we'd be down even less.

oh and we use natural light whenever etc etc.

Annoyed

Left my laptop in the lab as I knew I didn't "need it" tonight as I'm prepping for TAing. Wanted to check my email before bed but my mail program on my iPhone is not working. Apparently I have >10 new messages but everytime I open up mail, up comes a black screen. Urgh!!!!! Am restarting my phone now. Wish mr luck!


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For all the future skiing graduate students

I do not recommend trying to read a journal article with Papers (or writing a thesis proposal) after a day of skiing, sitting in a hot tub drinking >1 beer and / or drinking 3+ beer while trying to read said paper.

Just saying, it might be best to leave the doing science while drinking to either to the PI's or limited to just drinking and science. Not skiing, hot tub, alcohol + science.

It might be too much for you newbies.

For me? Not so much. I've survived a car wreck on the way up to our ski vacation (we're all OK), child birth and watching my 3 year old become fearless in the snow. Booze and science don't scare me.


**** this may be poorly written due to consumption of >1 beer

RBOC II

things are busy, but well. The wedding is coming up fast, which means family politics, stupid issues and frustrations are sprouting up everywhere. I am trying not to give a shit and not take things personally but its hard not too. Especially since hubby gets really really defensive when I say "your mom's is a hypocritical idiot sometimes!!" Yes I know not the nicest thing to say, but its better to vent to him than freaking out on his mom. Plus if he simply agreed and said "yeah I know and I love how you always just ignore it and I love you for looking past those annoying tendencies of her" life would be much easier.

Got cool data at work. yeah! if only I could get a scholarship so I didn't have to TA and could spend more time in the lab...I never thought I would say those words.

Not doing to shabby in the hockey pool.

that is all.

Sweeeeett!

Our new 20" iMac has arrived. It is sweet. that is all.

Rest in Peace MJ!

He has alot of controversy around him but I can't remember a time when I didn't listen to Micheal Jackson. I was shocked.

He had a crazy life, today we've lost a amazingly talented musician and a whole lot of crazy as well.

Animals are NOT your children

I went to our local HomeDepot yesterday to get some non-toxic pest repellent. Two annoying raccoons have started rolling up our new sod looking for food. Since I was up at 6am rolling out that sod and forked out >$200 for it, I'm a tad protective of it. While I was roaming the aisles, I had to save monkey from a dog. A HomeDepot employee then informed the owner that the dog had to be on a leash.

I am may be on the fringe here, but why the fuck are you bringing your dog to HomeDepot?? While fuming about stupid urbanites and their infantization of dogs, I started thinking about Dr.J's stand on the use of cats and dogs in research. I started thinking about DogTown. And then I got angry.

I'm pissed at both Dr. J and the rest of the urbanites (its mostly urbanites that hold this opinion on pets) that cats and dogs are some how equivalent to children or humans. They are NOT. I love dogs. Between Mr.SM and I, we have owned 3 dogs. We loved them. I still expect to see my rotti X every time I go to my parents. I treat my dogs well. I wash, brush, feed and walk them. I do not dress them up. I do not take them out with me everywhere I go. I keep them outside - where they belong.

Unlike many claim, dogs and cats were not domesticated to be our companions. They were domesticated because they had jobs to do. Cats caught the mice and rats, dogs assisted in huge variety of farming / hunting chores. Why do you thinks they have herding, retrieving, pointing tendencies? Why do think they are classified as water dogs or sled dogs?

This is not to say that animals should not be respected or cared for, but we really have to remember they are animals. They do not have emotions the way we do. As nicely stated in Life of Pi, we have disneyified our animals. We have given them human emotions that they just do not possess.

Dr. J stated of cats: They have a superior intellect, they reason, they feel, they love, they care

Sure they have superior intellect, but they do not reason or love or care. If they reasoned, loved and cared the ferrel cats my colleague rescured 10 years ago would not be ferrel still. It is so aggravating for me, when I see people treating animals better than they do humans. Or when when someon claims that the animal is equilivalent to children. HELL NO! Again, I'm not saying to be callous, cruel or inhumane. Can we remember that they are animals?

Dr.J compared a cat to a baby, which always pisses me off. Cats and dogs are not dependent on us like a baby. You can't just come home late and take the baby out later like you can with a dog. If you get drunk the night before, you can't just sleep in and take the baby out later. Their are HUGE difference between having a cat or a dog and having a baby.

RKRunnerLite for iPhone sucks

Just so you know. VXWYNot has recommended RunnersLite, but its 99 cents. I know its only 99 cents but if you have try a bunch of differenet 99 cent apps, it adds up pretty quick. Next on the list to try is GPSlite as recommended by PiT..lets see how its goes.

FYI running in middle of the day, before eating because you're that pissed that a simple BCA assay did not work is a very SMART thing to do.

Oh yes eggs are sooo much better than spray paint

EthidiumBromide, I read your blog and you seem like a nice person so I really don't want to get in a pissing match, which I why I waited all night to respond to you comment. I was hoping that after some time I would not be as angry, but I am.

just because my parents went to college and I had original art in my home did NOT mean that I lead an idyllic little childhood

First - I am not so naive to think that money = idyllic childhood / life. Discrimination, abuse, death, tragedy and all other horrible things know no class or racial boundaries.
Why the hell are you approaching this in such a defensive manner? This post wasn't about you. But since you've made it about you, look around your lab, how many of your fellow graduate students come from blue collar families? I'm in my 3rd lab, 2nd university and I've worked in multiple buildings and science organizations. Do you know many students I've met whose parents are blue collar? One. My experiences are VASTLy different from yours. Thats a fact. Doesn't mean your life is perfect. I never said it was.
I never stated that I was poor either. I was going to do the privilage meme. I have had alot of those privilages. My parents always owned their own home, and paid for my undergrad. We went on family vacations. Despite going to a somewhat "troubled" high school and having some questionable parental experiences, I am lucky enough to know that I have parents that love me whole heartedly. They would do anything for me and have given me a good life. But those comments only really irk me.

What made me lose my shit was how you tried schooling me. You actually compared you're experience to mine! They are not comparable. AT ALL. Stating they are not comparable does not mean that your experience did not impact you or effect you. They did. They are no more or no less worse then what happened to me.

"The most humiliating part was that we couldn't even immediately change the garage doors, like you can wash off eggs -- we had to leave it up for days and days"

We can just wash off the eggs so its less humiliating? Its less hurtful? Its less violating?? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Let me explain to you how your experience is different.
You were not alone. You lived on a block of Jewish families, who could support and understand. Your family and community have money.Whether you recognize it or not, that brings power. Which is not to say that you did not feel violated. I know how much having others around make give you strength and power. When more Punjabi people moved into our community is when things started to change. When our community started having enough money to contribute to politics - literally buy power and votes, is when things changed.

Did your grandma freak out every Halloween because she was scared of what might happen?
Did your parents move because they felt unsafe in their home?
Did you have to watch and listen as your dad did yard work, while the neighbors kids called him a Hindu and their parent did NOTHING?
Did you have beer bottles thrown at your head as you're working on your family farm?

Don't come to this blog and try schooling me on discrimination. I know it exists. It crosses every color and class boundary. Nor did I ever state that having money = happiness. I specifically did NOT use the word idyllic.

Like I said, I don't want to get in a pissing match, but your comment was just not cool.

Heres some privilages for you fuckers

The privilege meme is going around. Its great to see how many of you had parents that went to college, or had original art in your home. You had tons of books and generally appear to have a significant amount of privilage. Well except for microXX who was the only person I related too. Most of you have read my little rant on PLS about growing up in a not so picket fences and sunshine area. Well this has reminded mr.sm and I off of alot of shit. So why don't all you try these privileges on:

Every halloween eggs and racial epithets were thrown at your house
Your house was broken into and vandelized with the words Pakis' go home sprayed on the walls
You were called a paki (or other racial epithet) and when you stood up for yourself, you got in trouble.
You are constantly asked if you had an arranged marriage because the 1 punjabi person that the asker knew had an arranged marriage - 25 years ago.
You were told your house and food stink.
You were made to feel ashamed of who you were, because the color of your skin is different.
Because attitudes have changed in the last 10 years, you are the one with issues for still seeing things through a color lense - because that how you treated for 20+ years
In 6 years of research work, you have only met 2 other punjabi persons (or like individual) doing research
People think its OK to make jokes when your ethnic community is in the news - good or bad.

Why don't you think about that.