Mental Break

I'm barely surviving right now. I have so much on my plate (conference abstract, personal finance deadlines, TAing, and comp prep) and Mr.SM still isn't around to provide support. I know its not his fault; he's had to start working shifts for his paying job because of a major event that is happening and his family business has a bunch of unplanned stuff going on. Which requires his time and attention so he no longer has the flexibility to take stuff off my plate like we had planned. I know its not his fault but I am angry that I can't depend on him. I'm not angry at him but the situation which we had no control of. And when the monkey refuses to nap or give me space
I get frustrated and angry that Mr.SM isn't here, which sometimes leads to me getting unnecessarily short with monkey. So I listened to a friend and gave monkey to my parents for the evening. I asked my crazy mom (who is talking to me normally after I showed up at the dinner and did a bunch work) to bring me dinner when the drop off the boy. I had tea, watched some tv and then read some papers and worked on corrections from the first draft of my research proposal. I feel less stressed and relaxed. I'm glad I listened to my friend. Thanks JV!

Its hard for me to ask for the help I need. I've always know my parents are willing to take monkey all day, but I miss him and don't want that. I only need a couple hours and someone to make me food. So I told my mom what I needed and said she needed to tell me if she was willing to help me the way I needed vs the way she wanted. She was and I appreciate it. Yes I told both my parents that I appreciate it.

My dad just called and said monkey keeps looking for me. I think they're realizing the boy doesn't like to be away from his mama to long :)

The Pandora's Box of Sharing..

We have successfully ingrained into our little monkey that certain items are off limits to him. Mommy computer is mommys'. Daddys computer is daddys'. Ditto for Mommys and Daddys' phone. But now what do we do??

Scene: Mr and Mrs.SM have spent all day (literally since 6am) fixing the yard. Awesome BIL has been at our house since about 9:30am assisting in repairing the yard and making it child safe. We are tired. BIL et all come in at 9pm. BIL sits down and opens up Daddys' computer. Suddenly monkey is running in from the otherside of the house

Monkey: No!NO! NO! ChaCHA! (punjabi for Dads younger brother) daddy puter daddy puter!
SM: its okay sweetheart, daddy is sharing his computer.
Monkey wide-eyed and bushytailed, looks up with big brown eyes and says very very sweetily: my turn??

Mr and Mrs. SM think to themselves OH SHIT!

when do they get the concept of a weekend??

I"ve been up since 6:09am. thanks monkey. the sun wasn't even up.....

Thank you Bean-MOM!

OK seriously people, I know I brain farted on my last post. But can you blame me, I'm running on empty here. Sick child for a week, followed by the first week back to school which included monkey transitioning into his new daycare on campus AND TWO birthday dinners for him, (explanation for the midweek & weekend party thanks to MIL to be told later.)
This week, as mentioned very incoherently, I am in a mad dash to organize my science so that my fly crossings are not ruined while I am gone (as in the progeny do not come out & mate with each other). I know! I did not explain this very clearly due to the whole mad dashing and running on empty thing.
So I get that you were confused. I do really. I had 5 minutes to publish a post and a whole bunch of stuff I need to get off the chest have you not noticed the references to major MIL annoyance? I haven't even started on the whole daycare debacle. Trust me, that is something I need to take time to write about. None of these things will get written about until I am on vacation. I just, who know, wanted give you a heads up. Again I apologize the incoherent post. But did you not get the last bullet / sentence??

The monkey said momeee mommee I bab bu!

Is BeanMom the only one who noticed or the only one that knew what he was trying to say? People he's 2 and he's saying I bab bu!!!!! If you need some context he says while giving me kisses!!! Melt my heart I tell you. melts my heart.

My little 2 year old

My dearest little monkey,

Yesterday you turned 2. Where did the time go and how did you grow up so fast? It feels like just yesterday that you were a little babe in my arms. Now you're officially a little boy. A strong independent little boy. You want to do everything on your own, feed yourself, brush your own teeth and God help me if I try to hold your hand while you walk. Those rare times that you walk.
Many call you a busy busy boy. That you are. Always running from one thing to the next, trying to see what type of mischief you can get into.
You are also very stingy with your kisses. Except with me. Although you've decided you do not want to fall asleep in mom's arm, every night before bed you cuddle up to me and give a me a tight squeeze and kiss. I hope that never stops.
I wasn't sure I was ready to have children when you came along. You didn't help the situation with your lack of desire to come out. However, the second you were laid down in my arms I knew that the hell of birth was worth it. I would do it again for you. You are my world my love. I love you so much.

Figure 1: Monkey 1 day old

The boy is back and there's going to be troubl

Hey Yah, Hey Yah.

Am I totally dating myself with that musical reference? Oh well. I *think* that we are back in monkey business. I never thought I would be happy to find my little boy opening cabinets he's not supposed or jumping up and down singing nigh nigh moon instead of sleeping. But I am. We've had normal bowel movements, playfulness and an increased appetite. Can we hear a hallelujah?
Thank you to everyone for your support, kind thoughts and good wishes. I'd link you all up but there are darn many of you now!

Now that we're done with the sickness, we get to join our new daycare. Yep everyone get up and do a little dance because monkey is now coming to my campus daycare. I am no longer driving up to one university to drop him off at daycare before commuting to my campus. It took 2 year and 9 months but he's in. We went in today for his first visit, which was a bit of organized chaos. His program is brand spanking new so stuff is still getting set up and all the kids need to get oriented at the same time. I'm happy that he'll be school with me, as it will give me some flexibility but I sorta wish is start date was next month as I think just getting over being sick is going to make the transition harder. Though I also think that having him go to the new place after a 2 week break from the old place does make it easier.

Oh and Canada Kicked some Swedish Ass tonight. You guys rock!

I was not meant to be a mother

I'm done. Which is horrible because monkey, he's not done being ill. He's eating, semi-playing, and hasn't pooped in 24+hours. But he now has a horrible chest cough, is still whiny and last night, slept on top of me. All. Night.
I have no more patience, no more understanding, no more strength. I. need. him. well.
Mr.SM is occupying him right now. It will last about 10 more seconds and then it will be back to random crying and telling me "no" "ow".
I will have no idea how to last. I need him to start running around the house like the crazy monkey he's been named for.
At least I'm no longer regulated to a couch.
He's eating.
He doesn't need me 24/7.
How horrible am I, that I no longer have the energy to comfort my kid? I'm comforting him, but I am seriously needing it to be over

Thank God for Small Miracles

There was no IV. Thank you God. It was not something I wanted, and to be honest I wasn't sure he needed it. I'm not a trained MD. I majored in human physiology as an undergrad, completed a Masters in Developmental Cardiology and spent 2 years in an immunology lab so I have some understanding of the body's homeostasis and response to stress mechanisms despite what some family members think.

That said, I prefer to err on the side of caution.

As you all know, the monkey has not been well. I thought on Monday night he was turning a corner but I was proved wrong on Tuesday. Although he was finally agreeing to take some fluids (milk primarily) and was more active - he helped to take down the Christmas tree decorations before deciding that it was way too exhausting. By Tuesday afternoon he was back to being needy and lethargic. Just plain sick. At 4pm I took him to our family doctor (who has a sub in right now). The sub weighed him, checked him out and decided that monkey had a GI virus (gee thanks doc!). The parent(-in-law)s, demand I go to the doctor when I know that she is going to say its just a virus, nothing we can do. But then again what do I know.
The main concern for the monkey was dehydration. I was told to give the him 1-2 ounces of Pedialyte/Gatorade/random NaH20 combo every 20 minutes and to weigh him every hour. If his weight did not start to trend upward by midnight I was instructed take him to the ER for an IV.
His weight did not trend upward but he was drinking alot of milk (>500ml that night) and was acting a bit better, ie poops were thickening. Not solid but thickening. He was more mentally and physically active. He slept well through the night, waking up only 2x to tell he had to poo (some how by magic the boy has figured to poo on the toilet!). If only he would drink than damn hydrating liquids.
This morning he was definitely more mentally and physically active. He ate half a slice of bread and was keeping up a steady milk intake. Still REFUSING any H2O/Gatorade/Pedialyte - you the hydrating liquids! His nose started to run and his lips were less chapped, but he was not gaining weight. The scientist in me was looking at the data and saying "yep he's OK, no need for an IV"
The mother in me kept saying "what if you're wrong?" "its only 2 hours in the ER, whats the Big freaking deal?"
I went with better safe than sorry. I was in and out in <1.5 hours with no IV.
Thank God for small miracles and for a country that provides universal health care. I didn't have to even think about whether I could afford to take him. My only concern was whether I was being paranoid.
The doc there wasn't sure how long it will take to recover. Personally, I love my son but I am done with the cuddles. They're not fun when he's sick. I've been glued to a couch for 72hours and am suffering cabin fever. I want my crazy, bouncing off the walls, climbing over counters to get around the baby gate monkey back. I know after 2 hours I will want to throw him out a window but I really love that feeling much much more.

Thank you everyone for your well wishes. Here's to hoping a healthier 2009 for the boy and me!

Happy New Year to everyone. May all you wish for happen!

Lesson #432861 for new moms

So you wake up at 7 am on a Sunday morning because you can hear your not-quite-yet-2-year old laughing in his bed as he practices all the words he knows (>10/language now). Since you went to sleep at midnight after watching stupid crappy X-files movie and reading old science papers related to your hot research, you think "he's happy and laughing, I'll just sleep a little more".

This a dangerous dangerous thought process. It will lead you to sleep for another 20 minutes and wake up well rested. You will hear you not-yet-2-year-old still happily laughing and playing in his crib. You can also hear the crib creaking and some jumping going on, and since you know your young child is able to climb out of the crib you'll go to get him. You'll walk toward his door, smiling to yourself about the wonderful day you're about to have, since he's woken up happy and you're well rested.

He hears your footsteps and gets very excited as he realizes you're coming to get him. This makes you very happy. Thinking all is well, you open the door to his room, he comes running to the end of the crib, arms reaching out. My gosh you think I"m getting a big hug first thing, what a great morning. You turn on the light and you see your monkey, arms reaching out as far as they can over the side of the crib. You walk in to get that hug.

And you get a diaper handed to your with a sweet "ank you" instead.

Oh and he peed on the bed.

The lesson? Perhaps it not a good idea to let you child play in his crib, if he can remove his diaper.

I will gladly get up at 2am to change wet sheets&PJ's

As much as I like to joke about what a mischievous monkey my little boy is, no matter the number of times I complain how exhausting / frustrating he is, make no mistake. I will happily wake up at 2am to give him a mini-bath and change my sheets, if that would keep him warm and safe. There isn't anything that I would not agree to, if it would keep him warm and safe.

I was all set to continue with political blogging, but this, this , this and this made me hug my boy a little tighter, give him a few more kisses. My thoughts, prayers and good wishes are with those families and all others who are not as lucky as me. I have a wonderful husband and a great kid.

Growing up is hard to do

I knew it would happen eventually, its why I was not worried about it or trying to fix the "issue". I just didn't think it would happen so soon. Its also probably not a permanent, instantaneous change, but its the beginning of the transition. Last night the monkey did not want to fall asleep on lying with me on the couch, like he has for the last 21 months. He finished his milk and very clearly said, nigh nigh before he struggled to get away from me saying NO! AWAY! as he pushed against my chest. Normally he finishes his milk, turns around to face me and snuggles into my chest, slowly falling asleep as I play with his hair and tap his back.

Sigh,

He let me hold him for about 10 minutes before he started saying nigh nigh again. I picked him up and took him to his crib, where he happily pulled his covers over himself and snuggled down to sleep. Not knowing if he wanted me there or not, I left the room. He called me back. Apparently I am allowed to sit next to the crib but not hold him. He probably will be back to "normal" tonight, but I think this is the beginning of the end for our snuggles. He's always been a very independent boy and he will fight for every bit of independence as soon as he can get it. And I will give it to him, along with a piece of my heart.

communicating vs talking

The monkey is 21 months and doesn't talk. He has some words: No, mommy, mama, daddy, nigh nigh, bye bye, see you along with about 4-5 punjabi words. He is able to communicate what he needs through a variety of hand gestures, grunts and words. We actually can communicate quite well with each other and he understand when I ask him to put things places, go get his dad, go say night night to his dad etc. But he does not talk. He can't tell me how is day was or speak in sentences. Which I know is not a big deal yet. I'm not worried in one sense because there really is no point in worrying about something I can not change. He will speak when he is ready. On the other hand, I worry that something else might be going on. Should I get him checked? Isn't early intervention key?

I would be lying if I did not admit its a bit hard watching some of the kids that have developed faster or rather are farther along than he is. I can not make him talk earlier, he shows no interest in trying to mimic words. He only wants to mimic actions. Part of me thinks I'm being a competi-mommy, something I really really don't want to be. Some have said that monkey is not talking because he gets two languages which may be true, but I think really its that he's not ready to talk. He has no need to speak as we communicate well enough through our grunts, hand gestures and other dances. Plus whether he talks or not, I'm not going to love him any less. If something esle is going on, we'll figure it out eventually. Again I would not love him any less.

First Blood

And no I am not talking about the Sly Stallone movie. If you have never heard of this movie, don't tell me either I know I am old.

Motherhood is filled with alot of firsts: the first born, the first smile, the first step, the first time they say mama! These are all wonderful firsts that we record and talk about. There are others firsts that happen as well. The first time they fall, the first time they scratch their knees and the first time they bleed and don't stop. On Sunday we had our first bloody mouth. We were at a gymnastics gym for a friends 2nd birthday and my little monkey was upto his usual tricks, climbing up everything that could be climbed. Unfortunately for him, he slipped on some steps and wacked his mouth and nose pretty hard. We now have 2 shirts that are covered in blood stains and a little boy with a swollen bruised lip. I have to say watching blood gush out your childs mouth is a bit freaky, but it slowly stopped bleeding and he slowly stopped crying. Then like a good little monkey that will not let anything get the best of him, once the pain stopped and he felt OK to play, he ran right back to those stairs and climbed them again.
This child is going to be the death of me.

Where did the week go???

I have no idea, other than to say I am exhausted. I don't know why. Well I do know why. I have a minor cold. The cold that makes you tired and cranky but isn't bad enough to stay home. Plus the boy won't stay in the crib. One night he was up at first 3 am, it took 45 minutes but he went to sleep. At 6 am I had no energy so he was in my bed. The next night he was up at 12 am. One hour I tried to get him to sleep, and he would. So I would leave, and then he would wake up specifically to make sure I was still there. Of course I was not and he would cry. One hour later I did what I know I should not have done, I brought him into my bed. I just could not fight at 1 am when I am sick and I have to read and learn about flies. I am so tired, which is why I have not been blogging. It is not a lack of thoughts. I think I've written about 10 blog posts in my head. I just do not have the energy or time to type them out. I apologize my dear, faithful readers for my lack of posting. It will get better. Mr. SM took the boy out to the farm and I slept all morning, I've cleaned the house and am chilling out again. Lab stuff is busy with learning and doing, but over all is going well. I will try to update regularly but I fear I may be posting only 1 or 2x a week for awhile. Sorry!

Conundrum

The monkey is stubborn. Very Very Stubborn. And persistent. I used to say that he gets his bullheadedness from his dad, but since I like be honest on this here blog I have to admit that genetics can be additive. He is more stubborn then either his father or me (and I am pretty pig-headed). He is also persistent. As in if I have pulled him off the 6 foot ladder 10 times he will still go there 111 more times. He will watch to make sure I am not looking and then run over to the ladder. He will wait until I am occupied so that he can run over to the ladder. These are good traits I know. I do not want to break his "will", but seriously I need to. The boy needs to learn who is the boss. I don't want to stop him from exploring or being curious but after he tried following his dad up onto to the roof - yes he climbed to the top of the 6 foot ladder and then grabbed the gutter to climb onto the roof, I have become a bit concerned about his adventurous spirit. Then yesterday he tried to put something onto bbq when the bbq was ON. He knows he's not allowed near the bbq. He stays well away from it while I am watching and will jump away as soon as he hears me or his dad. But every chance he gets, he will go to the bbq. His dad puts things on the bbq and plays with this contraption and by God that boy will do whatever his dad does. How do I break him without breaking him????