Tuesday, August 18, 2009

A Confession from a Skinny One

I just read Mrs.Spits post Clique and I couldn't leave a comment. I couldn't leave a comment because I was reading that post and thinking but they're thinking the same thing! I couldn't leave a comment because I read Mrs.Spit to inspire me to be a better person. A more caring, considerate person. A person more like her. I read what Mrs.Spit has gone through, what she is going through and I think, I could never so gracious in that situation.

Dear Mrs.Spit,

I am probably one of those woman that you would consider:
tall and skinny and are seen as "achievers" within the organization. They are movers and shakers, and can wear whatever they want. A skirt that lands mid calf has never daunted them, and they've never tried on something and looked like a teal patterned stuffed potato.

I am that woman. The skinny one that looks good in anything, eats whatever she wants. Confident, smart, happily married. Apparently I am part of the "it" group. Hmm, then why don't I feel comfortable? why do I feel like I will get laughed out of the building if I say the wrong thing? That I am not accepted for who I am but who they think I am?

Well that is what everyone keeps telling me anyway. Apparently I am articulate and well spoken, and carry myself with class. Really?? Because every time I open my mouth I think its either coming out as very mousy or very bitchy. I am clutzy and so not lady like.

Oh and that whole looking good in anything. Totally not true. I have no boobs or hips. How I wish I had boobs and hips. The mid-calf skirt, sure we can wear that but all anyone will see are my stick legs.

Oh and you're hair. You're beautiful curly hair. How I wish mine wasn't such a frizz ball!

My point is Mrs.Spit is that we all have our insecurities. We all have ways have dealing with them. We all have our amour. For me its wearing a nice pair of heels. For you its clothes and for others it may be jewelery. I guess what I'm saying is that you're not alone in your feelings. And those tall, skinny women are thinking the same things you are. They may or may not be better at hiding it.


Mrs. Spit said...

The terribly astonishing thing in all of this, is that I was chatting with my mentor, about my boss, and how inadequate I feel next to her, and Kate, with all of her grace and self confidence (and trust me, if you think I'm a good person, meet Kate) smiled and told me all of the times she's at meetings and thinks "I'm just this lowly ED from a small charity, what the heck do I know".

It was a good reminder.

chall said...

SM> oh... it is good to get reminded (or sad depending on how to look at it) that just because someone A might not fill my insecurities doesn't mean that they are supercool with everything on their own either.

I guess what I am trying to say is "sadly, there are not that many people who are superconfident about all in the person and it doesn't benfit me to be too envious about other people but to look inside myself and work on my insecurities on my own".

I couold probably jus tsay" go figure" to myself and not post this comment here. But thanks SM!! I need the reminder since I am envious of the skinny beautiful women ;)

The bean-mom said...

I'm always thinking that other women are so much more "together" and confident and gracious and well-dressed and overall cooler than me. And then shocked when they let slip their own insecurities.

Nice reminder, SM.

I used to be a skinny girl, too--I can attest to the no boobs and no hips thing. Then metabolism and age and babies caught up with me. *Jealous.* At least I have hips now, though.

ScientistMother said...

Mrs.Spit - I have to confess that I enjoy finding out that not everyone has it "together" as it makes me realize that I'm not alone. Then I get worried and think, why can we women just not get an ego like all those men??

Chall - Yes it is sad in a way isn't it? Why can we not just be confident? I like to think that the inner reflection is what enables us to grow, learn and become better people. At least thats how I'm approaching it!

Bean-mom - I have hips now thanks to monkey and am definitely not as thin as I used to be, but I know many a lady would kill to have my small boob figure. I have to say I LOVED the boobs I had while nursing!

microbiologist xx said...

I was always taught to project confidence whether you feel it or not. I suspect that I am not the only one who does this, and I wonder if this doesn't contribute to the problem of feeling inadequate.

venus said...

Then I get worried and think, why can we women just not get an ego like all those men??.... every one should read this post once...

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PUI prof said...

I know how you feel! My big mouth and big personality really helps me do my job, but DON'T take me to a party and get me started! I can embarrass myself (and my poor loving Hub) in no time flat. What's worse, I cringe about it for a long time after, sometimes verbalizing (out loud) "Oh, I am such an ass!" at odd times. And that's not even my appearance insecurities...

ScientistMother said...

MicroXX - Projecting confidence is always a good thing, that is the mantra. But man when you're not confident, it really really does add to the whole imposter thing.

PUI - welcome to the blog and the blogosphere! I definitely suffer from foot in mouth disease!

FrauTech said...

I was just thinking about this post last night in one of my classes, where most of the other women (ok all of them) are a lot skinnier than me, generally more stylish, and just slightly better looking. And I was trying to remind myself in my insecurities, that maybe they doubt their intelligence rather than their beauty. But you know what? I doubt my intelligence too. So it just means I'm wondering whether I'm a moron AND really ugly. Maybe if I had confidence in my intelligence on more days, my lack of confidence in my appearance would be easier to take. But then I think, I'm sure all these very pretty young ladies don't realize how pretty their are either, and many of them probably agonize over it as often as I do.

ScientistMother said...

FrauTech - They probably doubt their beauty as well. Everyone is insecure about something, thats why we're always told to focus on our strengths.