Whatch looking willis?

The who are and why are you here meme as started again. I think the readership has maybe changed over the last year, so go ahead, introduce yourself!

Step up to the plate DrugMonkey

You asked why you were brought into the conversation? Because you've said you are an ally. You have stated on your blog that you believe that gender equality in science is a good thing. Yet you rarely talk about some of the balancing issues or the parental issues. I have the link up that shows you think its important. Yet outside of that post originally done 2 years ago, you don't talk about fatherhood or balancing fatherhood and partnerhood with science.

Mr. SM stresses about child care, he stresses about balancing all his responsibilities, he stresses about making his career successful without costing him his wife/family. I am friends with male PI's who've just had kids that struggle with this. I have male grad student friends that struggle with this, but they don't always feel comfortable talking about it. The only male bloggers (that I know of) who have mentioned this stuff is PLS and PalMD. I don't think PLS does too much writing about balancing, but he does on occasion discuss the joys of daycare, sick child and travelling too much. PalMD has many posts about taking his daughter on rounds so they can spend time together and the women in his life. They make it OK to be dads, scientists and partners. This is important for everyone.

We live in a patriarchal society and until we change some of the "normative" ideals we will not achieve gender equity. You once wrote a post on shifting the window in regards to politics of extreme rightwingnutism. I can't find the link, but essentially it was how the extreme right is so extreme that it shifts what is palatable or acceptable to the right. If you blogged regularly about balancing your non-academic responsibilities or your kids( aka Dr.Freeride, Dr.Isis, DrdrA), you're reframing the problem not as a women in science issue but as a person in science.

Jim Austin is partly correct when he's says that alot of women have the majority of household responsibilities, but its not always true and I'm not sure its the majority of the time either. If I was to list out the household chores, I would be forced to admit that Mr.SM does more of them, they're just not critical to day to day life. I like to bug Mr.SM that he'd fall apart if I left because I cook and do the grocery shopping. We share the kid stuff and the dogs stuff. If he left I may have food, but I'd have no clean dishes, no clean laundry, a dirty house and a overgrown yard. This arrangement works for us, as it does for most working couples. Yet what he does it not seen a the normal thing an equal partner does. I'm supposed to be grateful that he pulls his own weight. I"m supposed to be happy, I'm so lucky. WTF? Partly this is because of the traditional culture I'm part of, but its also how science and society kinda works.

I left my original PhDlab for a variety of reasons, but one of the main reason was the inherent belief that kids were someone that your partner dealt with. When my PI was struggling to balance the needs of his scientist wife and his job, he was seen as being "whipped" and she was unreasonably selfish. When he had to write a grant with his kid on his lap, "where the fuck was his wife" was openly said.

You need to write about balancing your life with your science as you said yourself the The father/PI who is seriously concerned about gender equity in science will go out of his way to exhibit his status.

If the d00ds hear from d00ds, they're more likely to think about it. You're not going to change my inlaws or my parents, but you can shift the way the issue is viewed.

Diversity - its a fine balance

So most of you may have heard about the shit storm the newest member of the science blogging community has gotten into. Isis, I think rightly, took offense to some of the stuff that GMP wrote on diversity. I will say that personal hygiene comments DO NOT belong in a post about cultural diversity, full stop. I live in a city where probably 80% of the worlds countries are represented and I have not seen a case where lack of cleanliness was part of the culture. A lack of cleanliness is a personnel issue not a cultural diversity issue. I know Whitey McWhitersons who have come into the lab dirty and smelly and I've been around people of my own community where I've been fuck buddy you stink! Sorry GMP that was a huge mistake to lump that into a post about cultural diversity.

Lets talk about the fine balance of cultural diversity

I read the original post, but did not bother commenting because as I read her response to comments it appeared to me, that she wasn't actually listening to why it pissed people off. I read upto AA's second comment and up until then GMP's attitude was its my lab, its how I choose to run it, I'm ESL and its how I had to be and oh God the Arizona example...just bad.

Lets agree on somethings. Having a strong foreign accent isn't necessarily a black mark. I know many people who are quite successful despite being difficult to understand because of their strong Irish, British, Australian accents. In general, <- not true across the board, certain accents are perfectly fine and non-threatening. Its the Mexican, Latin American, Indian, Asian accents that tend to piss people off. Because you know, we're don't really belong here.

Let also agree that not all people have the same opinion or experience, but can we say that we don't want to become the Borg and assimilate? Assimilation does not lead to diversity and when you preach conformation, you're preaching assimilation.

We can all agree that command of the English language is important to succeed in North America. Many large cities have china towns, little india's etc. These communities are great because new immigrants have an established community they can join. But its a double edged sword. It also discourages integration. My parents frequently complain about the recent Punjabi immigrants who haven't learned English and don't expand their circle of interaction past the large Punjabi expat community. It leads to barriers for woman and children who need to access services or rights that they didn't have in their countries of origin. The idealistic image of integration was my son's first birthday party, which was a traditional huge Indian affair. All our friends and family (of various shapes and colours) were in a hall, with tons of food and drink, dressed in our colorful outfits, dancing to bhangra. On all the big screens the hockey game was on and we were all watching. The CBC has hockey games with Punjabi play by play. That is awesome.

The negative is that many "traditional" attitudes exist and are hard to break down because some immigrants are not embracing the best of what Canada offers. I have been heard complaining of relatives who have lived here for >5 years yet don't speak English. They have no incentive because they can work for an Punjabi run company, bank where there are Punjabi speaking employees. But what happens if they have to access the legal or health system? They argue against giving rights to women/ gays / lesbians, using the same argruements that were used against giving my parents rights. Again this is not a blanket statement because everyones' experiences are DIFFERENT

I can understand GMP's desire to encourage strong command of the English language, but she muddied the waters when she brought in the food and cleanness issues. In one of my comments to Isis's post, I commented how I am still hesitant to eat my Indian food in the lab because of all the negative commentary as I was growing up. True Diversity is celebrating both our similarities and differences, working toward blending to make a better environment for everyone.

I'm not sure I personally agree with an English only policy, mentoring is a challenge. You can know what you went through and say that your students have to do that OR you can recognize that what you went through is bullshit and work to ensure your students don't have to go through it to.

The Mother of All Scientist Meme

Have some of you noticed that ScienceMama from Mother of All Scientists has not posted in awhile? I remember she had given congrats to Arlenna when she became a new mum and left a comment or two over at Isis's place, but other than that there has been little activity. I'm hoping its because ScienceMama's new little one has arrived and between a newborn, a young active girl and life, she just doesn't have time for us in the blogosphere.

I'm not sure if ScienceMama is reading blogs with no time to comment or is just lost in real life. Either way it would be nice to get an update. I also don't know how noticeable my little heading will be, but if we all post a shout out to her, maybe she'll pop by? I would do what Dr.Becca did with CEiA, but ScienceMama don't have no email posted! Is everyone in?

Blinded by the whiteness of it all

This week I asked readers to “delurk”, to give me an idea of who you are and why you read this blog. It was interesting to me that most of my readers are scienc-y types. Not all are scientists per se, but all have an interest in science, whether it be as students, post-docs, PI’s, or science-fi writers and gals just interested in science Which is cool because science is a big part of my life.

Funny enough, its not a big part of this blog. Yes I ask for help on lab things, from troubleshooting to figuring out how to manage my PDFs, but the majority of my posts are about the antics of my child. (Did any of you hear about this? I totally felt for the parents, as they have my childs' doppelganger. I had visions of monkey doing the exact same thing after reading it).

Yet, no one from the mommyblogging community comes here. I read the mommyblogs. They are what got me into blogs. My first readers, clicked through from comments I left on them. As I scan through comments on these blogs, it strikes me that the majority of commentors / blogger are white. When they have blogger meet-ups or talk about attending BlogHer its with they’re white friends. This is not to say that any of those bloggers in my sidebar are racists or even prejudice. Far from it, I believe them to be totally open-minded, everyone is equal, multiculturalism is awesome lefties. Yet when I read their blogs and look at the pictures they post, I can not help but think that I don’t belong. When I click through Canada Mom Blogs, I don’t see myself (as in someone that is non-white).

Which is how I feel about life in general lately. Despite living in city that is truly multicultural and where it is celebrated and embraced, when I walk into my research building. The racial diveristy that is so evident on the street stays on the street (or in the undergraduate buildings). Why has diversity stayed at the level of the street and not moved into the upper echelons? CEO’s, University administrations, professors these disciplines do not reflect the mixture of our communities.

Nor does the blogosphere.

Silence is the Enemy

I have no revenues to donate to this cause. One of many important causes. I am lucky enough to say that I do not know anyone who has been sexually assaulted and I hope that I never do. Please visit, Isis, Tara, BioEphemera, Neurotopia, DrugMonkey, Janet, Mike and anyone else who is donating their ad revenues.

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I needed to open up my reader today to read this. I had a "bad" morning, which consisted only having to drive back home 2x and then forgetting the monkeys lunch. Not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

Ahh quiet..

My dad picked up the monkey at 9am to take him swimming. I went to visit my favourite wax lady, came home and kicked out my husband. I have spent the last hour enjoying my coffee and reading some blogs while watching Now and Then on our new 42 inch LCD TV. It has been a good morning. I have not made much of a dent in the >150 posts in my reader but I will get there, eventually. I am going to go enjoy the rest of my alone day. Watch the rest of the movie, clean my desk and the house before tonights UFC and tomorrows superball. Next post will explain the MIL kerfuffle, I promise.

Oh, the hubby has only been kicked out for the day :)

When to have kids

This post came out of the comments to Dr.Isis's post about balancing work and family. PhdGirl, JLK, Labness and others have asked the age old question: when is the best time to have kids? is it easier during grad school or during your post-doc? What about during the tenure process? Of course there is no perfect time and everyone has to think about their own personal situation. I chose to have my first kid right when I started my PhD. I did this for a number of reasons, the primary reason being age. I was 30 when I started grad school for the second time so waiting until I was done was not a viable option. Having the monkey right at the beginning meant that I was not putting any research on hold (or so I thought). The other advantage is that when the monkey is sick (as he is today) I feel only a minimal amount of guilt as no one is dependent on me. Only my career or timeline is being affected. As a PI, I would have students, post-docs, meeting etc which I suspect make the whole juggling aspect harder.
As a student, I make my own hours. In most lab situations, no one is clocking when you are coming and going, so if you need to leave early to get your child ready for Halloween or take him to the doctor, its OK. The key to having kids while doing graduate studies is having both a supportive and understanding supervisor and labmates. For me, even if my supervisor is supportive, having lab mates sniping about me makes for an uncomfortable environment.

What about the challenges? For one being able to attend those darn 4pm seminars. Due to my personal situation, I am on daycare p/u and d/o duty so its impossible to attend after-hour anything. Hopefully that will be changing, but for now I find the inability to attend the social events and some late seminars makes me feel disconnected from the department. At my oldgrad lab, we used to have fridays@five which was basically hanging out and having beer, it was where friendships were formed, collaborations started and a sense of community established. Once I had the monkey, I could no longer attend as his daycare is off campus.
Not many grad students have kids, so you'll be the odd one out. But as like Dr.Isis, sciencewoman and all the other moms that work, I have learned to work really efficiently. Like today I should get at least 2 articls read, plus my blogs while the monkey sleeps on my lap. With that I must go read some science :)

Does culture affect your science?

An odd question I know. But it is something that I have been thinking about for the last couple weeks. That is what happens when you're at home dealing with a toddler I guess. As I have mentioned before, I am East Indian / South Asian. My parents immigrated to Canada in the 70's and embraced Canadian values. They worked really hard to be able to send all us to university and overall they treated myself, my brother and my sister relatively equally. There were differences and I dealt with them the best I could. My parents worked hard to incorporate many aspects of Canadiana into our childhood from camping and joining sport teams to celebrating Christmas and Thanksgiving. They also wanted us to value and appreciate our Indian heritage and did a lot to keep us connected to the Indian culture.
One of the things that is huge in Indian culture is respect for your elders, importance of family and "saving face". These things were drilled into me as child and they are things that I value. I truly believe in the importance of family and respecting those older than you. Those "older" included not just your parents and grandparents but your teachers, as well. Teacher includes your professors and PI. Respect to most Indian parents is defined as doing what your family asks. So for me respecting my PI = doing what S/he asks. Obviously that makes for a very difficult graduate studies, and over time I have had to make alot of adjustments to what I view as being respectful. This has been a difficult and challenging journey. One that I am extremely glad that I made, but it makes me wonder that if I didn't have that strong believe in what the definition of respect is, would the transition to questioning your PI had happened sooner or been easier? Would I have been able to take control faster?
The other ability that is critical to success in science (and almost every other field) is speaking up. Having opinions, stating them and being strong enough to defend them. Yet I am not able to do that at home. Actually that is not 100% true. I know Mr.SM would run in the opposite direction if I didn't have vigorous debates with him on all sorts of different topics. But Mr.SM is the epitome of the modern man (not compared to you 'whities' but definitely for an indian man), but his family is much more traditional. They have clearly defined roles for men and women, and quite frankly I can't be bothered to try and change the views of 50+ year old people. It is much easier on my relationship with his family if I pick my battles with them. Again, I wonder if it wasn't so faux pas to be an outspoken woman, that it would be easier to put the "hat" of outspoken woman on.