Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I dislike my mom

I do. I love her because she is my mom, but like my sister, she has so many traits that I jus don't like. If she weren't my mom, I wouldn't deal with her.

In Indian culture, when a couple gets married, all the extended family invite the couple to dinner to as a way of welcoming and getting to know the new bride. My parents are therefore inviting my BIL and his wife for dinner, along with the inlaws. I found out because my MIL called to me to find out if the date was OK.

My mother is currently not speaking to me because I was rude for telling her to MYOB on an issue with my sis. So what should I have said to my MIL. Most normal mothers would call their daughters to find out her availability prior to making the formal invite if the daughters presence was wanted.

I didn't want to broadcast omy mothers disagreement with me so I told my mil the date was fine. I am indian so I've been bred to save face.

Now my father has sheepishly called to ensure I will be there. I hate that she sticks him in the middle. It is so sad.

7 comments:

chall said...

wow, that's a bit tough. I'm not indian (I know, a shocker ;) ) but my mother and I have our own issues. And this thing could have happened in my family too... I think, not that I have a BIL but the idea is there, specially with father as the go between man.

I might not have understood them too much earlier, but lately I have realised that as long as I go for "it's all about her" or sometimes "it's all about her and my father" or "it's all about being a good daughter for appearances"- then we're good.

Obviously there is just one tiny problem, what about me?

(I understand the irony here, but what can I say. I admire you though, for sucking it up and going to the dinner. I am sure you'll behave, like a good person would do?! I hope you can get along better with your mother...)

Amelie said...

I'm sorry. This is really sad. I hope the situation between you and your mom improves (and of course I don't mean you putting a good face on everything by that)!

Cath@VWXYNot? said...

I'm sorry, that sucks. Families all have their problems (I have some only partially resolved issues with my Dad, and Mr E Man's two sisters have a major sibling rivalry thing going on). Even the families that look perfect from the outside have underlying issues that come and go. Sounds like you're in a bad phase...

You know what they say: the friends you choose are your compensation for the family you can't choose.

Amanda@Lady Scientist said...

I'm sorry. I like what Cath says. That's how I feel a lot of time. (My Mom and I have our own issues. This could have almost been written by me.) That being said, I admire you for having telling your mom to mind her own business in the first place. That's something that I have yet to do.

ScientistMother said...

Chall - you hit the nail on the head, if I forgot about me and would just accept that its all about my sister and mom, revolved my life around them it would be all good.

Amelie - the situation will not improve. She is who she is and is not going to change. I've accepted it and now just ignore her. sad but true.

Cath - You are right, but when I look at Mr.SM and his brothers, I just wish that more siblings could be like them. They don't agree with each others choices, but they accept them and support each other. Is that asking too much???

Amanda - yes I did finally tell her to MYOB, but I didn't necessarily do it in a respectful way.

Mad Hatter said...

Ahh...issues with parents. We definitely all have them. Hope the dinner isn't too uncomfortable and that things get better soon with your mom.

unlikelygrad said...

Ouch.

I have different sorts of issues with my (Chinese) mom--I'll never be good enough for her, it seems--but at least I'm on speaking terms with her.

It stinks that your dad is caught in the middle. Hope this all gets resolved quickly.