Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I dislike my mom

I do. I love her because she is my mom, but like my sister, she has so many traits that I jus don't like. If she weren't my mom, I wouldn't deal with her.

In Indian culture, when a couple gets married, all the extended family invite the couple to dinner to as a way of welcoming and getting to know the new bride. My parents are therefore inviting my BIL and his wife for dinner, along with the inlaws. I found out because my MIL called to me to find out if the date was OK.

My mother is currently not speaking to me because I was rude for telling her to MYOB on an issue with my sis. So what should I have said to my MIL. Most normal mothers would call their daughters to find out her availability prior to making the formal invite if the daughters presence was wanted.

I didn't want to broadcast omy mothers disagreement with me so I told my mil the date was fine. I am indian so I've been bred to save face.

Now my father has sheepishly called to ensure I will be there. I hate that she sticks him in the middle. It is so sad.


chall said...

wow, that's a bit tough. I'm not indian (I know, a shocker ;) ) but my mother and I have our own issues. And this thing could have happened in my family too... I think, not that I have a BIL but the idea is there, specially with father as the go between man.

I might not have understood them too much earlier, but lately I have realised that as long as I go for "it's all about her" or sometimes "it's all about her and my father" or "it's all about being a good daughter for appearances"- then we're good.

Obviously there is just one tiny problem, what about me?

(I understand the irony here, but what can I say. I admire you though, for sucking it up and going to the dinner. I am sure you'll behave, like a good person would do?! I hope you can get along better with your mother...)

Amelie said...

I'm sorry. This is really sad. I hope the situation between you and your mom improves (and of course I don't mean you putting a good face on everything by that)!

Cath@VWXYNot? said...

I'm sorry, that sucks. Families all have their problems (I have some only partially resolved issues with my Dad, and Mr E Man's two sisters have a major sibling rivalry thing going on). Even the families that look perfect from the outside have underlying issues that come and go. Sounds like you're in a bad phase...

You know what they say: the friends you choose are your compensation for the family you can't choose.

Amanda@Lady Scientist said...

I'm sorry. I like what Cath says. That's how I feel a lot of time. (My Mom and I have our own issues. This could have almost been written by me.) That being said, I admire you for having telling your mom to mind her own business in the first place. That's something that I have yet to do.

ScientistMother said...

Chall - you hit the nail on the head, if I forgot about me and would just accept that its all about my sister and mom, revolved my life around them it would be all good.

Amelie - the situation will not improve. She is who she is and is not going to change. I've accepted it and now just ignore her. sad but true.

Cath - You are right, but when I look at Mr.SM and his brothers, I just wish that more siblings could be like them. They don't agree with each others choices, but they accept them and support each other. Is that asking too much???

Amanda - yes I did finally tell her to MYOB, but I didn't necessarily do it in a respectful way.

Mad Hatter said...

Ahh...issues with parents. We definitely all have them. Hope the dinner isn't too uncomfortable and that things get better soon with your mom.

Anonymous said...


I have different sorts of issues with my (Chinese) mom--I'll never be good enough for her, it seems--but at least I'm on speaking terms with her.

It stinks that your dad is caught in the middle. Hope this all gets resolved quickly.