Shit

I've ingested large quanities of beer and must now ski downhill to get back to my cabin.

That's wasn't very smart



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I should be proud and happy

But I'm sad. I feel so sad.

Mr.SM really really really wanted to get a few more ski trips in, so we're up at our cabin for the Easter Long weekend. Since I really really have to get this proposal finished (initial draft sent and received back), I was not willing to come. It was negotiated that I would come up and spend time with the family in the evenings, while the "boys" would ski during the day. Monkey's skiing consisted of going to daycare and having a 1 hour lesson.

This was a hard decision as I strongly feel that when we're away from home monkey's shouldn't be in daycare. Yes go in ski camps etc but he's in daycare all week, all year so these vacay days he shouldn't be in. Plus I wasn't sure how he would react to a new place.

Well ran in to the care place with NO issues - which I was actually happy about.
Mr.SM just picked him up and apparently my little monkey LOVED it and went down the BIG HILL!!!! This was his first time on ski's and he's bombing down the mountain!!! The little majic carpet was either broken or the wind made the conditions not very good there, so the instructor took my little boy, LITTLE boy up the chair lift and down the big mountain the FIRST TIME. And my child LOVED it.

I should be happy about this is, but I'm not.

I'm terrified because my child is my heart. And like me at his age, he has no fear. Have you been on a ski hill? Have you seen those freaking 2 foot speed demons bombing down the runs? Have you not seen the nutty thing kids do! My child will do those. I haven't nicked name him monkey just for kicks. And so I'm a terrified. I will not say anything. I will be proud of him and I will cheer him on and I will pray all day long.

I should be proud of him, how much fun he's having. But my little boy is now that much bigger and I am sad. I haven't posted much about how much he's growing, how independent he's getting. How he doesn't need me anymore. Yes I know he needs me, but not in that you're my security and I don't like it when you're not around way. Yes I know its good and its great to have the freedom. It is nice to know I can go away and he's OK. But it also hurts just that little bit. That little bit that I don't acknowledge. Its just happening too fast

And then they say kids are not like pets

Heard in the SM household today:

"I wanna plaaay!!"

"OK, put your shoes and jacket on and I'll let you out"

Away!

I'm away for the first time in three years. And I''m sick. you have to love the irony.

leaving was hard. monkey knew I was going and was not happy about it.....but he was fine once he got to daycare. I'll call home tonight to see how he is.

looking forward to some good science!

For all the working parents

You need to go read this right now. It made me cry, but it re-affirmed that I am doing the right thing but continuing on with my dreams.

I know, I know y'all tell me that everytime I question if I'm being selfish by putting so much into my career. The rare times, I've wondered out loud on the blog, you've all supported me and said the right things. I know in my head this is right.

But no one in my real life (outside of mr.sm) does. My family - parents and sister, constantly are making cracks about monkey not getting attention and not having a good childhood. Mr.SM and I are too busy, its not fair etc.

Perhaps I should ask you guys tell me I'm doing the right thing more often, but part of me thinks if I have ask, maybe its not the right thing.

All I know is my boy is happy and I'm happy. And he's going to be OK when I'm gone for a conference....

Yep I'm going away and its going to kill him. But he will be fine. He has his daddy and they will bond....

Death by a thousand MB

actually 1.6 MB. Its 1:35am, and I need to email my PI a "final" version of a poster presentation. S/he is in a time way ahead of me so I have to send it tonight. S/he'll get it in the morning review and send it off to me by the time I get into the lab.

Except my file is 1.6MB over the gmail limit. I've converted the file to a PDF but the PDF is bigger than the actual file. WTF?!!!!!

I've spent the better part of 45 min trying to access some free download of adobe so that I can make a proper PDF, instead of a mac version....

For the first time in the history of ownership, i'm annoyed with my apple laptop. I just want to go to BED and I just want to have a pdf <25MB!!

URGHHH!!!!

I"m going to probably get to bed around 2am thats my guess. monkey will wake me up at 4 am to crawl into bed with me.....just mentally preparing.

the free online version worked!!! file is now only 1.1MB. YeaH!!! emailing and off to bed!

Focus

I need to set a date for my comprehensives. My PI refuses to let me set a date until I send her a research proposal (she told me this awhile ago). Damn PI and her be a responsible adult and figure shit out attitude (JOKE!).

I can't focus. To the point that I have been banned from the bench. Yep our lab manager, post doc and senior grad student have banned me from doing any science until I start writing. I've written a first draft but I must get a completed draft to by the end of next week to my PI and I have to have a poster made up by monday.

Do you know what I'm doing now? watching tv with my coffee, writing blogs and yep not writing (a proposal). I'm also going to go grocery shopping and look at dogs from Mr.SM bday...

i'm such a procrastinator