Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Different stages of a new journey

I was over at DrDrA reading this post about pregnancy and I got angry. Angry that I am disillusioned, angry that I looked at myself to blame, angry that I was lied to. I tried to believe that PI was not a bad advisor. He reacted well to my being pregnant and I thought (because he told me) that he believed in training students. In reality he had no choice but to react well to my pregnancy, seriously what was he going to do, kick me out of the lab? Of course he had to be supportive, and in all honesty he is a caring individual. But he has no patience and can not be bothered to teach. I fully expected to be able to say about him what doubledoc said about her advisor. I can not belief that those expectations have been shattered. I feel like I am in mourning. The good thing is that this is happening now instead of 3 years in, but it still hurts.

Obviously I am happy that I made a decision to move forward and away, scared but happy. I spoke with a few more people, was told that I am good at doing the work, but not so good at the planning and designing. I agree with that assessment. It shows me that I can do this with the right fit. I will give this grad thing one more try in one more lab...

My apologize for nattering on about the same thing. I need to constantly think about and talk about something to get over it...thanks for being here blogosphere

5 comments:

Mrs. Spit said...

Always willing to listen. And work situations are so frustrating!

Amanda said...

We're always willing to listen. Besides this is a big decision and a difficult one. So, "nattering" is more than understandable.

Your "performance review" was very good. The point of a PhD is to learn the planning and designing. So, it sounds like a new lab that can help you learn this is an excellent plan (esp. with the alternative of staying put and not learning those things).

The bean-mom said...

I am so glad to hear that you are trying this again in another lab. You really are not very far into the Ph.D program-as you've said yourself--and in the long run, the year you've spent in this lab is a very short time in your graduate school career. Don't be too hard on yourself for not realizing earlier the truth about your PI--as others have said, it's hard to know what kind of mentor someone will be until you're actually in the position of training under them. And I know SO many students who switched labs during their program--some of them switching in their third or fourth year! (and still graduating in a reasonable time frame, with good publications)

EcoGeoFemme said...

It's only natural that things are tumultuous while making such a big decision. What is a blog for, if not an outlet for your inner debate?

Melanie said...

Don't say you're sorry for writing about what's on your mind! It sounds to me like you're where you should be a year into your degree - still lots to learn, lots to figure out. If you had nothing to learn or figure out, there'd be no point, would there? I'm really glad that you're willing to try the option of another lab.

Now, if you do want something else to write about ... tag! You're it! (see my blog in about ten minutes to find out what I mean, I still have to add in links)