I was over at DrDrA reading this post about pregnancy and I got angry. Angry that I am disillusioned, angry that I looked at myself to blame, angry that I was lied to. I tried to believe that PI was not a bad advisor. He reacted well to my being pregnant and I thought (because he told me) that he believed in training students. In reality he had no choice but to react well to my pregnancy, seriously what was he going to do, kick me out of the lab? Of course he had to be supportive, and in all honesty he is a caring individual. But he has no patience and can not be bothered to teach. I fully expected to be able to say about him what doubledoc said about her advisor. I can not belief that those expectations have been shattered. I feel like I am in mourning. The good thing is that this is happening now instead of 3 years in, but it still hurts.
Obviously I am happy that I made a decision to move forward and away, scared but happy. I spoke with a few more people, was told that I am good at doing the work, but not so good at the planning and designing. I agree with that assessment. It shows me that I can do this with the right fit. I will give this grad thing one more try in one more lab...
My apologize for nattering on about the same thing. I need to constantly think about and talk about something to get over it...thanks for being here blogosphere
5 days ago