One step closer, one step farther

After a week full of eye-opening disappointment, this new week promises to bring more of the same....BUT we will not talk about the elephant in the lab. I will not let the assery that is my research institute bring me down. FYI - I have made a decision regarding said assery, but will not chat about it today.

Today I want to say how happy and excited I am that the monkey turned 18 months today. Truth be told, I am not sure if I am actually happy per se, just more amazed. He is turning into such a boy, growing up so fast. It feels like yesterday that I was waking up and nursing him on the couch in the middle of the night, cuddling with him in bed in the mornings. I swear it was just yesterday when we were in the hospital, when I pulled you out of your little crib and next to me. It didn't seem right to keep you all by yourself on your first night out in the world. As soon as I lied you down, you snuggled up against me, falling comfortably, safely fast asleep. It just felt right. Perhaps it was just yesterday.
Monkey has gone back to wanting me to lie with him as he falls asleep and I wonder how long he will let me do that. It was hit and miss there for awhile as he's quite the independent boy. Whenever it happens, it will be too soon for me.

Everyday I think I could not love him more, everyday he proves me wrong. We've been doing pretty good, monkey and I. Despite his lack of vocabulary we seem to understand each other alright. A few grunts, pointing, feet stamping, head shaking, mommeeee's!!! and mama's!!! later he gets what he needs. Soon our game of charades will be over. He is slowly picking up more and more words. One morning he will wake up and overnight have transformed from the boy that does not speak to the boy who does not be quiet. And I will think that I could not love him more.

I alternate between wanting to freeze time, never wanting the tender moments pass, never wanting him to make that next change because I've just figured out this one and being excited about what is to come. It will be fun to talk to monkey, to really know what he thinking when he laughs his bold beautiful laugh as he claps his hands. Does he know that when he looks up at those pretty women and bats those big brown beautiful eyes of his, that their hearts melt? Does he know my heart melts everytime he does it to me? Does he know how much I love him? Watching him sleep reminds me that I can deal with the assery and I can make whatever adjustments are necessary because although science is a big part of me, its not the most important part.