My Dad came by this evening to drop the monkey off and have dinner with me. We chatted about minor things and then the discussion went to my elder single brother. My parents are stressed about the whole singleness of him and his lack of desire to settle down, have children with a white picket fence. Thing is my brother is ambitious and as an ambitious individual myself I understand his frustration in relationships which I tried explaining to my dad. If you're ambitious and are dating / married to an ambitious individual it can be hard on a relationship because of the numerous competing interests. Exhibit A being being the mister and I.
I can honestly say that if Mr.SM and I did not get married when we did, we would not be together today. My interests would've taken me elsewhere, my focus on my career combined with his focus on his career and our social lives would've left little time for each other and I'm not sure that we would've stuck it through. I know that during my masters studies, it was such a relief not to have to make time to "date". I didn't have to worry about having to choose between partying with my friends and seeing my boyfriend. I was married and spent time with Mr.SM every morning and night. Sometimes we did our thing on own thing on the weekends, sometimes we didn't. As we've grown together, we've made comprises for each other. If I was single, but the same person I am now, I know I wouldn't make these compromises for someone today. I think my brother has been single for so long he's not willing to compromise. To which my dad suggested that my brother date someone less ambitious. My brother has tried this and tends to get into issues because his dating partner will be exasperated by his long hours. Its hard if you're the one sitting at home waiting for your partner to be done. Or having your plans cancelled because something at work came up. I get this too because Mr.SM is working 2 jobs and I get shafted. Which is when the epiphany came. My Dad, being the protective father he is, expressed frustration at how much Mr.SM works at the family business without monetary compensation. I had to explain to my dad how it is Mr.SM's dream to be able to grow his family's business to the point that him and his brothers can each pull out six figure salaries. The business is currently not big enough to do that and because I'm a graduate student, Mr.SM can not give up his day job to work full time at making his dream. He has to work to pay for our mortgage, daycare, monkeys extracurricular activities etc. Which is when it hit me. I get so frustrated that Mr.SM isn't home, isn't doing x,y or z at home but he's literally working 2 jobs so that I can go to graduate school and get my PhD.
That's pretty damn supportive. He's far from perfect and has an issue with putting his needs first all the time. But he's supporting me financially and emotionally which is pretty huge. Sometimes I need to be reminded of that.
4 days ago