Monday, April 14, 2008

Still figuring this out

Well, I am obviously not very good at the posting everyday concept. But I guess that is to be expected, as I am still wrestling with the question of how much information to put out there. I would like to connect with other women in science, and I could do that if I announced that I was writing this blog. Possible by simply sending SCWIST an email that I am doing this. The problem is that by doing that, people I know will find out about this blog. Labmates and colleagues will know about the issues I am struggling with. Is that good? I don't know. After 5 years in research, I feel that its more about appearances than truths. Especially when it comes to confidence and demonstrating what you know. So many times I have heard that in science its all about what you produce, your data and the quality of the data. However, I find that if you don't have the respect of your colleagues - then your data is discounted. This presents a bit of a conundrum for me as how do you gain respect if not through your work? Is it through your relationships with your colleagues? How do you connect with colleagues if your lives are so different or if there is a 'boys' club that you can not break into? What if you don't care to? That is where I am. If one is not willing to listen, to evaluate without preconceived assumptions then I do not care for your advice or opinion. Yet in research, everyone seems to have an opinion without listening to the question or the scenerio. Or maybe its me...thats the woman in me, wanting to please, feeling guilty and always thinking what did I do wrong. How do you deal with those emotions?

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