That is how old I am. It was my 32nd Birthday yesterday and I was feeling pretty good about it. The monkey bought me a most beautiful bouquet of flowers, and a very sweet card. Mr.SM devoted the day to me. Literally he did, made me breakfast, went with monkey and I to the local kids science museum thingy, went shopping downtown, had a nice lunch out, then came home to chill. Literally, the whole family took a nap, then we rented season two of Battlestar Galactica. We watched disc one while enjoying a nice Chilean Merlot. Mr. SM did not turn on his computer, answer his phone or look at his work all day. Monkey took such a long afternoon nap that I had to actually wake him up at 6:15pm and he went to sleep again by 9pm. I purchased a membership to the science museum thingy, it obviously tired the guy out so we will be making the trip again. Plus he LOVED it there, start screaming when we left because he did not want to leave.
Anyways I was feeling pretty good and then I saw ScienceWoman's post. We share a birthday, so she's a full 2 years younger and way ahead of me career/education wise. I normally don't care about these things, but at 32 I get tired. I want another child and sometimes I just don't know if can do this. DrDrA had a post up about the low morale in science. I left this comment in the post, which really didn't have much to say about low morale due to funding, but about balance.
I love science. I really do, but I don't love it more than my family or my life. For example, right now the monkey is sleeping and I am relaxing by watching a movie and blogging. That is my preference. Yet I feel that I should be reading papers, analyzing data etc. I don't love science enough to make those sacrifices. I want my PhD, but I want it without costing my family time or friend time. I want study while I am at school, perhaps read a paper or two in the evening, if I feel like. I want to go to bed by 10pm. I want to be able to come home and make have with my family. I want to spend my weekends doing family/house things, not going into the lab or stressing about papers.
When I read Dr.Isis, DrDrA, PiT, I think I don't want that life, but I want that job. I want to have my cake and eat it to.
10 hours ago