I know I shouldn't say that, its probably going to make a bunch of trolls come out and get annoyed with me. But I can't help it. Right now, I hate the esteemed CPP. Why do I hate him? Because he's in my fucking head and I want him to get out. Get the fuck OUT of my head!!
I want to be mad. I want to bitch and whine and complain about the fact that I am going on Version 1020 of this stupid fucking grant (at least it feels like I've revised it 10 million freaking times). I do not want to be writing, I am sick of it and I want to focus on studying and learning. But every time I think that, what do I hear in my head? Fucking CPP and his stupid annoying post about the writing process. Don't ask me how I hear him, since I've never heard him freaking talk, but I tell you I hear him. Every single time I get annoyed, I hear:
"you frequently learn some important shit while off on those detours. Consequently, it is fucking absurd to look back and in hindsight consider any non-linear path to the destination to have been a “waste of time"
Do you see my dilemma? He's fucking right. So every time I want to bitch and complain that I don't have time for this writing shit, I need to be learning. I can't. I hear CPP telling me that I am learning through this writing process. Which pisses me off. My head and this blog are the two places in which I can bitch and moan. Its hard to bitch and moan when someone is telling you that you have nothing to complain.
No I can't not bitch about my PI either. She is absolutely brilliant at making the harshest criticisms come out fair and right. Plus all her suggestions are good and will close up in holes that my committee would poke. I know all this. I know its good for me, I know everyone is helping me to succeed. But you know what? I am tired and I want to whine and moan. But CPP isn't letting me.
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11 months ago
8 comments:
I frequently assert things like:
"you frequently learn some important shit while off on those detours. Consequently, it is fucking absurd to look back and in hindsight consider any non-linear path to the destination to have been a “waste of time"
too, but with less profanity (since little ears are often near by).
If it makes it any better to switch it to *my* voice in your head, feel free to do so. (Unless it makes you hate me. Although, if it improves your overall experience, I'll deal with the hate.)
CPP may be a potty-mouthed shit-stirrer, but he has a certain wisdom about the whole grant-writing journey.
HA HA HA! I frequently also hate PhysioProf.
Janet - My PI frequently asserts these in less profanity filled, kinder gentler way. Hearing you say it just puts you in the same category as her...which makes me not dislike you or her and easy for me to say you are right. I think its the fact that CPP is a potty-mouthed shit-stirrer that it irks me that he right:)) Or maybe its because I want this over with and need to be made at something or someone, since I can't be pissy about the process or my PI :))
Isis - glad you laugh at my misery:)
Welcome to the fucking club! The line starts over there.
I hate PhysioProf
We all do.
Lately I've found that the only way I can get my thoughts to crystallize is by writing it all out in a semi-formal way. But now that the diss is over, it's (mostly) enjoyable rather than super stressful.
Good luck with your revisions!
I must say I have a soft spot for CPP: he actually reminds me A LOT of my PhD advisor - successful scientist, caring mentor (yes, there are post comments of CPP's where this is unambiguous) and an unapologetic potty mouth.
I'll stand in that queue. Should I just follow the smell of profanity?
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