Mr.SM and I are teetering on the brink.
We've both been through alot this past summer. I haven't been blogging much, what with the cancellation of the first comp exam, the two dead grandfathers and now my 'second" exam coming up in two days. There hasn't been alot of time for blogging. That's just whats happened to me.
Mr.SM has been having his own personal issues balancing the family business with work, quitting his job to work with the family fulltime only to realize he can't work with the family fulltime because of personality conflicts with family members. We're both stressed. We both have no time to help or support the other. Our communication has hit a all time low.
I feel done with him.
Which is not an easy place to be. I love him, he's the father of my child but I wonder if I'm in love with him still. To say these are not issues that I need to or want to be dealing with 2 days before my exam is an understatement. Unfortunately, stress brings out either the best or worst in us and right now all that I'm seeing is our weaknesses. His weaknesses.
Everyone keeps saying it will get better once the stress subsides, but we've had some major fights. some hurtful things were said and I'm not the best at letting things go.
All his negative points keep blaring in front of me. The more I complain, the more upset he gets because he's never good enough. Probably because his priorities aren't the same as mine. Probably because I'm telling exactly what I need from him and he's not doing it.
He's a workaholic and I hate that. I hate that our child thinks daddy's always to busy working. I hate our lack of family time. I hate how his work is always more important or his need to relax or his something or the other.
I know we need to communicate. But I don't want to. I just don't want him around. I'm at a point where I don't see a benefit to having him around. He's nothing more than a companion that is giving me more stress than enjoyment.
Isn't that sad?
3 days ago