Wednesday, August 6, 2008

He WAS an ass

Just so you know. He claims he was being cheeky, testing my resolve. I don't believe him. I love Mr.SM and I know that he loves me. But he is selfish. He is not the type to think to himself "Mrs.SM is struggling and I should pick up the slack" or "Mrs. SM is stressing to get her thesis written so I will go buy groceries and make dinner". He will think to himself the mrs is stressed so I'll be a goofball or I will go grocery shopping with her, to ensure she laughs etc. When I finally speak up and say that he is putting me last, he will disagree, provide evidence to the contrary and basically refuse to admit that I spoke the truth.
Then he will re-adjust and change his behaviour.
Why he can not admit that he is wrong I haven't a clue. I have learned to stop asking for validation from him (having him say I am right and he was wrong). I am still learning to vocalize my needs. It is not something I am good at. Its the Indian upbringing that I have railed against my entire life, but yet I still suck it up and put everyone else before me. I will learn to put myself first. The first step was recognizing that I do love the science and I will do my PhD. The second is letting the mister know. The third will be vocalizing on a regular basis and asking for help. The last part is hard too. Being the youngest I always had to prove I could do it on my own. I am not 15 anymore. I can ask for help. It is ok to ask for help.


Cath@VWXYNot? said...

It is definitely OK to ask for help.

My husband is totally awesome, but it just wouldn't ever occur to him to actually offer to cook dinner if I was super stressed at work and getting home late. In his bachelor days he'd just go out for dinner, or order in, when that happened. But if I ASK him to cook, or pick up groceries, or do any other chore, he'll ALWAYS do it with no problems at all.

Men just think differently!

ScientistMother said...

Men do think differently. It so true, if I ask him to do stuff or tell him he needs to take time to do baby care, he always does. Its getting used to asking as opposed to having him read my mind. Though I still believe he should be able to read my mind :)

The bean-mom said...

I've always thought my husband should be able to read my mind, too =)

But glad to read these resolutions that you've made. Yup, sometimes you just have to ask for help! (because they *can't* read your mind, unfortunately!)