Saturday, January 3, 2009

I was not meant to be a mother

I'm done. Which is horrible because monkey, he's not done being ill. He's eating, semi-playing, and hasn't pooped in 24+hours. But he now has a horrible chest cough, is still whiny and last night, slept on top of me. All. Night.
I have no more patience, no more understanding, no more strength. I. need. him. well.
Mr.SM is occupying him right now. It will last about 10 more seconds and then it will be back to random crying and telling me "no" "ow".
I will have no idea how to last. I need him to start running around the house like the crazy monkey he's been named for.
At least I'm no longer regulated to a couch.
He's eating.
He doesn't need me 24/7.
How horrible am I, that I no longer have the energy to comfort my kid? I'm comforting him, but I am seriously needing it to be over

11 comments:

Brigindo said...

No you're completely normal. Motherhood is not about enjoying all the moments--or even most of them for that matter--but it is about doing what you can for your child and when you can't, being able to recognize that and get others to help.

Isis the Scientist said...

You're not horrible at all. You're human and we all have a limit to our ability to give 100% to another person. But, you'll survive this and soon Little Isis and Monkey will be back to planning their mutual world domination.

Prof-like Substance said...

Everyone has felt this way, at one time or another. As great as parenting can be, it can also break your will and make you question why you ever thought this was a good idea. We have longed for our pre-child lives numerous times, but as soon as your monkey is healthy and happy you won't be able to imagine your life any other way. Take an hour for yourself to go out and get a coffee or something, while Mr. SM deals with the monkey, it will help.

EcoGeoFemme said...

I agree. Nothing wrong or bad about you. You can't expect to be able to lie like a sick kid for days on end when you're not sick. I think you should pat yourself on the back for how well you've done so far.

The bean-mom said...

Scientistmother,

I've felt like this many many times. Even when the kids are perfectly well, but just driving me buggy (as during this long, long, thank-god-it's-almost-over winter break).

I hope Monkey feels better soon. And I hope you were able to get out of the house for that cup of coffee that Prof-like Substance suggested--or that you take break for yourself sometime soon! A single hour can make the difference between sanity and not...

Candid Engineer said...

Wow, I feel for you. I can't imagine the selflessness that it takes to care for a sick child constantly for days on end. I agree with the others- nothing wrong with you. I hope you get some respite soon, you are wonderful.

drdrA said...

Oh the stories I could tell you. You are perfectly normal. It's just bloody difficult when they get sick and it seems to go on indefinitely...

I'm thinking of you and hope your son is on the mend!

Melanie said...

This is totally normal, don't beat yourself up! Man, last winter was horrible in our household. Between me and Cameron, between coughs, colds, flu, surprise allergic reaction to poppy seeds, asthma, ringworm in his HAIR, the list goes on, we weren't collectively healthy for more than three days straight from September through April. I can't tell you how often I bawled. How glad I was to take him to daycare. How desperately I looked forward to Christmas solely so I could have someone ELSE to look after Cameron.

You'll survive this. You'll all get through it. And don't get yourself down for needing a break. It's a tough job!

ScientistMother said...

Thank you everyone for your kind words. He seems to be making an excruciatingly slow recovery, but a recovery none the less. Last night I was able to have a couple beers and watch the Canadian Juniors comeback to tie the game with 5 seconds left, and win in overtime. Which made me think, heck if a bunch of teenagers are able to dig deep enough to tie up the game in the dying seconds, play their hearts in OT and to finally win in the shoot outs, then so can I.
Can you tell I"m Canadian? All I need is some hockey to inspire me. On a more serious side, he is getting better, which means I'm feeling better too.

Brigindo - Welcome to the blog!

Mimi said...

I am glad he is making a recovery, but you need time for you too. Take care of yourself or you will be useless!

Anonymous said...

Total sympathy scientist mother. I used to think I was a patient person until I had kids.. .